Rugby is the game they play in heaven. This quote has always appealed to me. Mainly because I'm a keen rugby player, although by keen, I don't mean good enough to play professional if I made the effort, but keen as in, passionate but safely entrenched on the bench.

Unfortunately it's always put two questions in my mind. Firstly, the quote is THEY PLAY in heaven, not WE WILL PLAY. This means we ruggers probably won't be there, and especially not my fellow front row-ers, unless there are a few post retirement repentents I have not heard about. Who are "the they"?

Secondly, who makes these titles up? I mean, some of them make sense. Soccer is definitely "the world game". And calling horse racing "the sport of kings" certainly makes sense, considering the number of nobles involved. Calling American football by the same moniker is a greater stretch, since I know of no royals who have ever walked onto the gridiron...

Cricket is a gentleman's game played by gentlemen... fair enough, when the quote was coined. Soccer is a Gentleman's game played by thugs... and rugby is a thugs' game played by gentlemen. I'm beginning to think that the people who make these things up have a few vested interests.

Since rugby is traditionally a game favoured by the elite, the people who own the papers etc, I'm guessing they had something to do with popularising this, and since it's harder for a rich man to pass through the eye of the needle than enter the kingdom of heaven, I think the, Ahem, first XV will, be lacking a large number of die hard supporters... But since all the refs would be in hell anyway, how could any game ever be played?

Mardo Gray, for 2K Plus International Sports Media